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英语笑话

你知道我是干嘛的吗
Do You Know My Work?

  One night a hotel caught fire,and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes.

  一天晚上,一家旅馆失火,住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡衣就跑了出来。

  Two men stood outside and looked at the fire.

  两个人站在外面,看着大火。

  "Before I came out," said one," I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don't think of money when they're afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire,the fire burn sit. So I took all the bills that I could find. No one will be poorer because I took them."

  “在我出来之前,”其中一个人说,“我跑进一些房间,找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里,火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。”

  "You don't know my work," said the other.

  “你不知道我是干什么的。”另一个人说。

  "What is your work?" “你是干什么的?”

  "I'm a policeman."

  “我是警察。”

  "Oh!" cried the first man. He thought quickly and said, "And do you know my work?"

  “噢!”第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动,说:“那你知道我是干什么的?”

  "No," said the policeman.

  “不知道。”警察说。”

  I'm a writer. I'm always tellings to ries about things that never happened."

  “我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。”
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你的钟准吗
愚蠢的问题 Stupid Question

  Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"

  丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口,而且许多人都会停下来问他:“请问现在几点?”

  After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.

  几个月后,丹想:“我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了,我要去买一只大钟,把它挂在这儿的墙上。”于是他买了一只钟,把它挂在了墙上。

  "Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily. But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?"

  “现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。”他高兴地想。可是打那以后,每天仍有许多人停下来,看看钟,然后问丹:“这钟准吗?”
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你送的礼物味道好极了
A Hollywood producer was determined to give his mother a birthday gift. He heard about an amazing bird which could talk in twelve languages and sing ten famous operas. He immediately bought the bird and sent it to his mother. It cost him$50,000.

  一位好莱坞制片人决定送他母亲一份生日礼物。他听说有一只神奇的鸟会说12种语言,会唱10种著名歌剧,便立即买下这只鸟,寄给了母亲。这只鸟花了他5万美元。

  The day after his mother's birthday, he phoned to her. "What did you think of the bird, Mother?" he asked eagerly. His mother replied, "Oh well, It's very delicious!"

  他母亲生日的第二天,他打电话给她。“妈妈,您觉得那只鸟怎么样啊?”他急切地问道。他母亲回答说:“啊,味道好极了!”
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一只孤独青蛙的美好未来
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds.

  His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

  The frog is thrilled, "This is great!"

  "Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.

  "No," says the psychic, "in biology class."
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反正我太太明天会来换的
My Wife Will Exchange Them

    A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.

  ″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson.

  ″Makes no difference ″replied customer.

  ″What color﹖″ asked the clerk.

  ″Any″ he responded.

  ″Size﹖″

  ″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″

  反正我太太明天会来换的

   一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。

  “您是要布的还是皮的?”售货员问。

  “没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。

  “那您要什么颜色的呢?”售货员又问。

  “什么颜色都成。”他回答。

  “号码呢?”

  “您就随便给我拿一副吧,”这位顾客有点不耐烦了,“反正我太太明天都会来换的。”
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九句地道的耍赖英语
游戏时耍赖:

  That doesn't count.

  那不算!

  We weren't playing for real.

  我们不是玩真的。

  欠钱时耍赖:

  Money has been really tight lately...

  最近手头有点紧……

  I've had so many other expenses...

  我有太多其他的费用要付……

  犯错时耍赖:

  It's not my fault.

  那不是我的错。

  He/She made me do it.

  他(她)要我做的。

  交通违规时耍赖:

  I didn't see the sign.

  我没有看到标记。

  规避责任时耍赖:

  It's not my turn to...

  这次不是轮到我……

  I didn't know anything about it...

  我对此事一无所知……
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我喝酒前忘记摇晃酒瓶了
"Why are you bouncing up and down like that?"

  "I just took some liquid medicine and I forgort to shake up the bottle as directed."
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我没有蛀牙/No Cavities
A smiling boy arrived home from a dental visit,"Hey mom,the dentist says I have no cavities. "

  His mom stared at him wide-eyed and quite surprised,"It's impossible --you never brush your teeth after cleaning the chocolate box before you go to bed!

  Then the boy opened his mouth --he had not a tooth left!




英文笑话:我没有蛀牙/No Cavities
  小男孩儿看完牙医,面带微笑地回到家:“嘿,妈妈,牙医说,我一颗蛀牙也没有。”

  妈妈惊讶地瞪大眼睛:“不可能——你每回上床睡觉前都把巧克力盒子里的糖一下子吃完,而且从来不刷牙!”

  这时,男孩儿张开了嘴巴——他的牙全被拔光了。

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